Thursday, September 30, 2010

Just Thursday ~ September 30, 2010

Outside my's a gloomy rainy day. The migrant workers are picking the cabbage in the field next to my hand. I had no clue cabbage was picked by hand.  It does NOT look like fun.
The time is..8:17am
Today I feel..just there, existing.
I am thinking.. I can not believe tomorrow is October 1st, and that on Sunday the 3rd my babies will be 2 and 1/2 years old. My children have changed me in so many ways.  Things that were important to me before children are no longer so important.  Things I never even worried about or thought of before children manage to make their way into my mind and can consume my thoughts if I let them.  My marriage has changed as well these last couple of years.  I am terrified of the path that it is taking, but hopeful that with help, we can get back what we once had.
At the moment, I am thankful.. for the english muffin with peanut butter and raspberry jam (my favorite) that I just ate.  So yummy in my tummy. 
I am going..out of town for work a week from Sunday.  I leave on a Sunday and come home on a Wednesday.  I have never been away from my babies that long.  The longest was an overnight trip, but I was gone less than 24 hours.  I am looking forward to getting away, but I am going to miss my children so very much.  I am also not looking forward to calling home while I'm away.  I'm afraid of how my husband will be having to take care of the boys those days even though he will still be going to work (thank the Lord for my wonderful sister, I have said this before and I'll say it again, I don't know what I would do without her.)
I am wearing..gray slacks and a fuschia v-neck sweater.
I wish..I could just snap my fingers and everything would be ok.
I am reading..nothing at the moment, but I want to buy She... by Kobi Yamada.
I am working on..being responsible for my own happiness.
I am hoping..for flowers, puppy dogs, and white fluffy clouds.
I am hearing..the printer.
I bet you didn't know..that I am a smoker.  I know, I know, awful, horrible, disgusting, dangerous, habit.  The last two years, smoking is the one thing that has kept me sane. The funny thing is, I hate smokers.  I hate people that stand outside a store and smoke for you to walk through their stench.  I hate people that smell like they have been smoking a pack in their car with all of their windows sealed up tight. I have been avoiding posting this under the "I bet you didn't know" section of Just Thursdays for months now.  But I need to put it out there.  I need to put ME out there for once.  I have recently been prescribed Chantix, which is a drug to help people quit smoking.  I haven't starting taking it yet, I don't know what I'm waiting for.  I think I'm afraid of failing.  I'm afraid of the things someone near and dear to me is going to say while I'm on it.  I'm afraid of what this person will say if I fail.  Please Note: I DO NOT smoke near my children.  Only when they are down for a nap or sleeping at night, or if we are somewhere where other adults can watch them and I can go hide.
One of my of the fall season is this weekend.  It's the Hilton Apple Fest.  I lurve it with all of it's crafts, and food, and people watching, and food.  The bonus is, it's directly across the street from my sister's house so I can park there, walk right across the street and shop, people watch, eat, shop some more, drop my wares off at my sisters, so I can resume shopping, oh and eat some more.

Weekend Plans.. 
[Thursday] Pizza night!
[Friday] No plans.
[Saturday] Apple Fest
[Sunday] More Apple Fest

How are you this Thursday? I would really love to know.  
Write a post of your own and be sure to visit Abby to link up.

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